在留下来了。

这句话说得我很平静。或许应该换个形容词。

 

他是说漫长也不漫长的一年里唯一能使我安心的事情。值得期待的事情。
整个人都在漫无止境的等待中逐渐被消磨。这其中也包括体重。值得庆幸。
即使远方除了遥远一无所有。
我想我应该回到这里。不是最初的地方。

 

如今kathynblue仅只剩下邮箱功能。

 

 

我很喜欢李欣频说过的一句话。她说她很享受细胞分裂的过程。
也就是一个人的两种不同身份。非常光明的一面。亦是非常黑暗的一面。
她还说如果她很想去某个地方，就会让自己在家中无论站在哪里都能看到那里的照片。

 

这是神奇而可怕的力量。如此清楚地明白将要努力的方向。
尽管未来是那么那么地不确定。

 

我上来是想说点什么的。

抱歉。恩。抱歉。还是那么讨厌的这两个字。

思维堵的厉害。

对不起。或许更好些。

sayounala。

 

 

今天天气很好。阳光明媚。
我想如果回到一年多以前，我会很喜欢这样温暖和谐的光线。
　　
不用记得一些事情。

只是喝很多的可乐或者白开水。
　　

现在的我只喜欢柔和的光与影。

就像鼠标旁的这盏台灯。仰起头不必感觉眼眶里泛起的泪水。
和生活残忍的真实。
　　
现在的我状态很不好。
　　
不出门。
喝很多碳酸饮料。一天只吃一顿饭。
感觉不到饿。感觉不到疼痛。可是会莫名其妙地难过。
喝水很少。说话很少。学日语很少。大声笑也很少。
　　
我明白。
我只是找不到大爆发的时机。
　　

 

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

 

SHERLOCK HOLMES -- his limits.
1. Knowledge of Literature. -- Nil.
2. Philosophy. -- Nil.
3. Astronomy. -- Nil.
4. Politics. -- Feeble.
5. Botany. -- Variable. Well up in belladonna, opium, and poisons generally. Knows nothing   of practical gardening.
6. Geology. -- Practical, but limited. Tells at a glance different soils from each other. After walks has shown me splashes upon his trousers, and told me by their colour and consistence in what part of London he had received them.
7. Chemistry. -- Profound.
8. Anatomy. -- Accurate, but unsystematic.
9. Sensational Literature. -- Immense. He appears to know every detail of every horror perpetrated in the century. 10. Plays the violin well.
11. Is an expert singlestick player, boxer, and swordsman.
12. Has a good practical knowledge of British law.

 

His ignorance was as remarkable as his knowledge. Of contemporary literature, philosophy and politics he appeared to know next to nothing. Upon my quoting Thomas Carlyle, he inquired in the naivest way who he might be and what he had done. My surprise reached a climax, however, when I found incidentally that he was ignorant of the Copernican Theory and of the composition of the Solar System. That any civilized human
being in this nineteenth century should not be aware that the earth travelled round the sun appeared to be to me such an extraordinary fact that I could hardly realize it.

 

"To forget it!"

"You see," he explained, "I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones."

 

The writer claimed by a momentary expression, a twitch of a muscle or a glance of an eye, to fathom a man's inmost thoughts.

 

"From a drop of water," said the writer, "a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. So all life is a great chain, the nature of which is known whenever we are shown a single link of it. Like all other arts, the Science of Deduction and Analysis is one which can only be acquired by long and patient study nor is life long enough to allow any mortal to attain the highest possible perfection in it. Before turning to those moral and mental aspects of the matter which present the greatest difficulties, let the enquirer begin by mastering more elementary problems. Let him, on meeting a fellow-mortal, learn at a glance to distinguish the history of the man, and the trade or profession to which he belongs. Puerile as such an exercise may seem, it sharpens the faculties of observation, and
teaches one where to look and what to look for. By a man's finger nails, by his coat-sleeve, by his boot, by his trouser knees, by the callosities of his forefinger and thumb, by his expression, by his shirt cuffs -- by each of these things a man's calling is plainly revealed. That all united should fail to enlighten the competent enquirer in any case is almost inconceivable."
 
                                                                                                                                                              ——A Study In Scarlet

 

弄丢了一个红色护腕。
考试的时候一直带在身边。
因为戴在手腕上太大。只能随身放在上衣的右侧口袋。
词汇。听力。还有阅读语法。每次考完一部分就会紧紧地握在手里。
其实我是相信会有某种力量存在。在我开始逐渐喜欢上红色的时候。
它存在的意义。也就只是那么简单。

 

冬天是一个适合流泪的季节。
我现在坐在这里听ELT和大塚爱。手脚冰凉。
某一天就突然发现mp3里全是日文。听的时候内心疼到不行。

 

从武汉回来后就不想学习。一点也不想。
朋友说不像以前的我了。那个自信心满满的我。
我说我旅行完回来了。妈妈说我也推销完人民币回来了。

 

我又开始不断地对自己失望。对别人也是。

恩。想念那座城市。只是短短的三天。
大太阳。脏西西的街道。华科的树。学校里走到哪里都是十字路口。
热干面超级好吃。武昌鱼。等了好久才打得到的士。
我们在候车室里翻椅子被工作人员拦住。差点赶不上火车。
还有陪我走了好多好多路的姐姐。每晚短信说晚安的人。
就是后悔没有时间在好好看一下那里的天空。

 

最后。恩。240万岁。

 

 

我把MP3的音乐背景图换成东京塔。
开机后它会自动播放宫崎骏的动画音乐合辑。然后把音量调到足够大。
这样我就可以一边安静地做日语习题。不用理会她们的高谈论阔。

晚上躺在床上听电台。是很好听的男声。

温暖低沉带点沙哑。在我耳边的碎碎念。
他说。美好的愿望可以有。但不要奢望它去实现。否则苦的只是你自己。
迷迷糊糊正在要熟睡的我就被突然惊醒。然后心里狠狠地疼痛。眼角湿润。

 

有时候很想离开这里。

其实只要闲下来的时候就会忍不住这样想。
尽管这里有我喜欢的天空和漂亮的云朵。有我喜欢的人。
她们陪我吃路边摊。陪我在草地上喝啤酒。
听我讲不着边际的笑话然后傻笑。或者用奇怪的语气叫我什么什么sa。
可是。那个城市的天空也应该不错吧。
我真的想离开了。

 

最近他们不止一次地提到那里。
距离太近了是不是不太容易实现。我没办法了。
12月的考试。单词书才只翻了一半而已。